Inner Thoughts

((I haven't been updating nearly as often as I've wanted to. School is stupid sometimes. I really want to update again soon, so we'll see how that goes. Stay tuned.))

Shan ducked into a small alcove, trying to steady his breathing after running up two flights of stairs, eyes darting around the dark, musty hallway. So far, no one seemed to have noticed that he’d broken loose. Or rather, that the cat had broken him loose. If he could just get out of here without that happening…

He looked down at his feet, where a small calico was washing its face, unconcerned and not even close to tired from the run. “Hey. You called yourself Sock?”

The cat raised its head, giving Shan a bemused look. Shrine Maiden gifs me name Sock. Called me Socrates, akshully, but no one eber says de full name.

The voice in Shan’s head was male. Shan frowned for a moment. Weren’t calicos always supposed to be female or something? Not important. “Look, I’m looking for a friend of mine. A nullifying Gifted. If we can get her help, then whatever Elora’s doing can’t affect us.” Of course, he wouldn’t be impervious anymore, either. He was still trying to figure out which one was worth more. “I didn’t see her with the others, so it’s possible she either escaped or is being held prisoner somewhere else.”

Flower hoomin is ebil. Affects other hoomins, somehow. Affects us kittehs, too- nearly killed some ov us. The calico got to his feet, stiff, tail swishing in anger. She’ll pay fer dat.

Shan began rummaging in his pockets, fingers moving over the pen, the crossword puzzle, the watch, some change from driving through the city not long ago. Elora really was a child, if she hadn’t even thought to have them search his pockets before tying him up. “If I give you something that belonged to Null-“ if he could even find something like that- “could you track her?”

Wat do I luk like to yu? Some stooped hound goggie?

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t have anything of hers anyways, it looks like.” Null didn’t seem to keep many possessions. Then again, none of them did. He took his hand away from the small knife Tau had given him, looking up the hallways towards the next flight of stairs. “…I don’t know how to find her, short of searching the entire house. At this rate, they’re going to find us again long before we ever get to her.”

Yu said nullifying hoomin?

Sock brushed up against Shan, and closed his eyes, small body stiffening, claws digging into the wood of the house. For a moment, the cat almost seemed to vibrate, standing there, before he finally moved again. …Dere is a hoomin, up in de sick room. It maks mah vission all fuzzeh, hard to see.

The sick room. Of course- Null had been there the last time Shan had seen her. Why hadn’t he thought of that before? “That sounds like her. Let’s go look.”

They ran for the stairs side by side.

~~~

Aden shivered, where he was huddled on the ground, reeling under the latest wave of unbearably intense emotion that had been forced through his system. This was exhausting him, was tangibly painful, being so acutely angry, so intensely happy, so sickeningly sad. Every emotional wave he had been forced into had been amplified, a hundred times what it should ever have naturally reached, making him feel sick to his stomach with the sudden changes.

Two hours of this, and he could feel himself getting exhausted, beginning to weaken. She was getting to him. He heard himself whimper, as though from far away, as she stepped over him, preparing to take out her frustration on him again. The noise drew her attention, and she looked down, smile curving wickedly on her overly beautiful face.

“Getting tired? Poor, poor Aden. This is so hard on you. So, so hard…”

Another wave, this one of crushing, agonizing depression, pressing him down, making it harder to breathe. He could feel himself, beginning to crumble, beginning to break.

Just like that time, when he had first been captured, and had felt himself crumbling, breaking, shattering, submitting…

No. He couldn’t do that, this time. Not like when he had been a little kid, terrified, alone in the Agency. He couldn’t crumble, couldn’t break.

“Wouldn’t it be easier, to just give in? Give in, let me have my way. I’ll make you happy. So, so happy.”

Not this time. This time, he had people he wanted to protect. All of these people, who had taken him in and accepted him. But mostly, above all of them, his ally, his… f-friend, his…

The loneliness, and…

His friend, his… To..

Crushing despair. Hard to think.

To… ri…

Had to… give in, and… no… couldn’t…

Nngh.

~~~

Sensei. I know you can’t see or hear me. You’re not here anymore. I’ve accepted that, by now.

Tori kept her breathing even, her mind clear, taking in the scent of the cool, dark, still chamber. Her eyes closed, her body relaxed. Her spirit at peace, calm, in control.

Even if you’re gone, though, I still remember everything you taught me. If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t be alive anymore. Everything that I am, it’s thanks to you.

…I should have been there, to help and protect you in return. Looking back, it was probably my fault. But-

Her mind was clouding. She had to keep herself calm, level. She pushed the feelings away, focusing, trying to contain this… thing, inside of her, that she still didn’t completely understand. The weight of the chains around her wrists and ankles was a familiar pressure, grounding her, helping her think.

At any rate. You taught me not to give up. To focus, and master myself. All of my life, I’ve been trying to master myself, gain control of my powers. …This time is no different. I just have to figure this out, to focus and train until I can control it.

I…I won’t hurt my friends again.

Her mind was clouding again. So hard to concentrate. But she had to, even so.

All of her life, she had focused on mastering her body, and her mind. She thought she had done pretty well, up until now. But now, thinking back on some of the things those Agents had said, in Munia, in Buma…

This thing infesting her wasn’t in her mind. Connected to it, but not actually within it. It wasn’t so much in her body, either. It was deeper than that, she was beginning to realize. In her spirit, in her soul. She wondered, as she struggled there in the darkness, whether it was even possible to focus and gain control of one’s soul.

Or if, knowing the views of the Agents, she even had one.

~~~

Null stirred, hovering just below the surface of waking up, unable to quite break through the thin ice. So close… But something was holding her back, below the surface, chaining her below so that she couldn’t quite reach to break the ice. She… She had to. There was… something important… up…

Agh. She couldn’t remember, why it was so important that she had to wake up. She just… kept sleeping… and…

For the thousandth time since being put to sleep, she fell down again, losing track of the nagging feelings that she was supposed to be doing something. She drifted into dreams, unconcerned, lost in a whirl of disconnected memories and half-remembered thoughts.

Somewhere in her drugged dreams, she saw Leon, not as an angry, confused adult, but younger, softer, more innocent and naïve. She reached out to him, but her hands were chained, heavy, unable to move. She watched him, from a distance, feeling lost as the young boy absently kicked a soccer ball around. Somehow, she knew that he was looking for her as well. But he couldn’t see her, wouldn’t even look in her direction.

Outside of the dream, the thin woman lying on the bed numbly clutched at something in her pocket, not waking from her sleep.

From the other side of the room, a silver tabby watched her, quietly waiting.

~~~

…so…so tired. Aden couldn’t think, couldn’t feel, couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want to open his eyes. Not again. He felt sick, and tired, and unsure of his feelings, and just…

…just…

He shuddered weakly, not daring to make a noise where he huddled, bound tightly, waiting for it to end. Somewhere, Elora was saying something, talking to someone, giving orders to go check on Shan and some crazy old hag, to see if they were ready to listen to reason…

He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping for a few moments of rest. He couldn’t bring himself to care as much as he should have. If everything could… could just be quiet for a moment…

The sudden, shrill yell jolted him back. “What do you mean something broke the lock?! Cats don’t just… Rrrgh! Find them!”

~~~

“We’ll talk over our differences later,” Clara hissed. “For now, let’s get out of here.”

“Agreed.”

Clara kept herself pressed close against him, protecting his back. Leon’s nerves were frayed, but he couldn’t help flashing the agents a triumphant smirk. He had his hostage securely in his arms, a weapon, a helping Gifted, and a nullifying cuff around his wrist like a bracelet, keeping him sane.

With any luck, they just might get through this alive.

The agents were staying still, watching him from behind dark glasses. He gripped Kate tighter, dragging her gently backwards, ignoring the murderous, unforgiving glares she was giving him around the handgun pointed at the side of her head. Step by step, getting further away, until they were far enough away to turn and make a break for it…

One of the agents lowered the watch from his ear, frowning, and whispered something to another agent. Uh-oh, that was a bad sign. They had communicated something with someone else, probably a higher-up, or a dispatcher at a nearby HQ. Leon frowned, picking up the pace a little. What had they been ordered to do? Were they-

The second agent suddenly, unceremoniously lifted his weapon, aiming it. Leon had only a moment to think, to remember with a start that, after all, Kate was only a commander. Maybe she was a regrettable loss, but commanders could be replaced. And, with the Agent way of thinking, acceptable losses were-

He re-thought his strategy too late, gripped her shoulders in preparation to pull her away, too late. His eyes widened as the weapon fired.

New Allies

Teeth gritted, Leon let himself be marched forward, hating the tense grips on his arms, hating the cuffs keeping his hands behind his back, hating that they weren’t nullifying cuffs to get rid of the anger, hating this anger, that clogged his thoughts, that made him so close to attacking, that kept him from forming a plan. If he struggled, he knew they wouldn’t hesitate to fill him full of holes. He had to stay calm, but-

He felt himself shoved against the side of a shiny, red sports car- an expensive front, he knew, to hide all of the Agent tech and armor inside of it. He scowled down at the roofless thing, blinking to restore his vision… Then stirred at movement. There was something else, in the backseat. A girl, tied up, wings bound tightly to her-

Munia Gifted. His eyes narrowed, recognizing her. The one that had given him and Kate so much trouble at the waterfall. Even better, she knew Noel. And probably Alia. He watched as she raised her head to glare at him from beneath the gag, cuffed hands tensing into fists.

The ring of a cellphone distracted him from behind. Kate made an irritated sound, unclipping it from her belt and raising it to her ear.

A cellphone? Most Agents just used their watches or ear pieces to communicate- very rarely was there any use for an actual phone. He strained to turn around, to figure it out, even as the anger flooded him more strongly.

“Yes?” Kate said, sounding tense. “Kate here.”

~~~

Shan didn’t flinch as he was unceremoniously tossed down the short flight of stairs, into the darkened celler below. He crashed and rolled into everything possible on the way down, and if he had been anyone else, he probably would have broken his neck- or at least multiple other bones.

But come on.

He landed hard on an unpaved dirt floor, and picked himself up, looking up at the only source of light, coming from the small group standing at the top of the stairs. “Konki, that wasn’t very nice.”

Konki said nothing, standing beside Elora protectively, barely acknowledging that he’d even spoken.

Elora, however, was full of rage. “Why are you doing it? How are you doing it?!”

Shan blinked, standing slowly. “Doing it? …If anything, why are you doing this to me?”

“Don’t speak stupid! You know what I’m talking about! I try to make you feel one way, and you end up feeling… All the wrong ways!”

“Really? Is that what was happening?” His sudden mood swings when he was around her? Because she couldn’t control his emotions for some reason, at least, not very well… “…Hunh.” He shrugged. “I have to admit, I’m really just not a very emotional guy. Maybe that’s your problem.”

“Don’t give me that!” She clenched her fists, long, sharp nails digging into skin, breathing quickly in rage. “…If you’re going to be stubborn, and refuse to behave, then I’ll just have to put you in the corner with the others until you see sense.”

“Others?”

“Until then, you stay in here!” she yelled. “I’ll be back, later. One way or another, you’re going to give in- I’ll find a way to break through somehow!”

Before she could respond, the door was slamming, leaving him without light. He listened to the click of the lock, frowning. For one thing, they hadn’t even provided him with a crossword puzzle. For another, “Others,” he mumbled. “What did she…?”

Prrrrrrrrrrrrr…

He flinched at the sound, turning around. And then, he noticed it, what he hadn’t noticed before with Elora yelling at him. Thousands of eyes, on all sides, glowing in the dark as they looked down at him with slitted pupils. Shifting, moving, able to see him even though he couldn’t see them.

He shifted, getting to his knees, testing the strength of the rope around his wrists. “Hello? Who’s there?”

~~~

“Hello, Kate.”

“Marq,” Kate breathed, turning away from the others, stepping a few paces further from the car and the agents surrounding it. Again, those conflicting feelings, ordering her to feel infatuated, or disgusted. “I…uh…”

She straightened up, adopting an official tone. “Sir! We’ve succeeded in capturing Leon. He is in custody and in the process of being transferred back to the nearest base. I’m still not certain what he did with Dextera, but-“

“Nevermind the Gifted girl,” Marq said. “Our primary focus right now is on Leon. Do you have him secured tightly?”

“Yes sir,” Kate replied, keeping her tone carefully formal.

“Very good, Kate. You’ve done well. Don’t bother with transferring him- I no longer believe he can be salvaged. Your new orders are to neutralize him.”

“Neutralize him, sir?”

“Yes. For all of his remaining organic parts, he goes offline if you shut down his technological ones. I will lead you in doing that.”

“But sir-“ Kate whirled around, turning to look at her former partner. The man was still being held up against the car, his back to her. He turned his neck slowly, though, watching her, curious. Of course he would be listening in. She took a breath. “You can’t just do that to a cyborg. He could die! Even in the very best scenario, the trauma he would undergo…”

He might survive. But he wouldn’t be the Leon anyone knew afterwards. He wouldn’t be recognizable at all.

“You’re right,” Marq said thoughtfully. “In that case… I’ve changed my mind. Don’t waste time shutting him down the proper way. Just eliminate him right now.”

“But-“

“No ‘but’s, Kate. I order you to execute the traitor known as Leon. When you return to base, send him to the scrappers to have his implants salvaged.” An amused pause. “And then report to my office. We have much to talk about, you and I.”

The phone clicked. The conversation was over.

Kate clenched her hand around the phone, trembling slightly. He couldn’t have really just ordered that, could he? No, she had heard him clearly. There was no doubt, what she was expected to do, what she was obligated to do now. No time for appeals, or finding loopholes, or begging-

Why do you care, anyways? You don’t care about Leon. You don’t!

“Ma’am,” one of the agents asked, “What are our next orders?”

She took a deep, steadying breath. Then, reached down for one of the semiautomatics hanging at her side. “There’s been a change of plans.”

~~~

Shan felt something brush up against him, only to be gone a moment later. He frowned in the darkness, calling again. “Who’s there? Tori? Or Null, or…” Who else hadn’t been in that room with them?

“Just me,” the creaky old voice laughed. “Well, me and all of the others.”

A distant mew echoed back at the Cat Lady from somewhere high above Shan.

“Where are we?” Shan asked, feeling around the slightly damp earth floor. “Some kind of dungeon?”

“No, silly! We’re in the food cellar. What kind of house do you think this is?” A chuckle. “Then again, we do have the impaling room, so-“

“Mrr?”

“No, Longfellow, I don’t think he’s seen that one.”

Shan struggled to get to his feet. Trapped in a basement, in the dark, with a crazy old lady and- if the sounds and smells around him were correct- way too many cats. “Let me guess. Elora threw you in here too.”

“Huh? Oh, no, dearie- I doubt she even knows I’m down here. I came down here of my own free will!”

“What? Why?”

“Well, for one thing, I needed to check on the canned beans- the supply’s getting a little low, probably have to buy some next time I go into town. But for another, it just made sense. When your shrine is under attack, you go into defensive maneuvers!”

Shrine? Something tripped him, and he fell down on top of a cat, who promptly screeched and began unsuccessfully trying to claw at his face.

Hay, buddy, watch hoo ure fallin on, eh?!

He jerked at the voice. Who else was down here?!

The woman began humming, moving things around. “But don’t you worry, son. We may be under attack, but we’re not defeated just yet. I’ve been shrine maiden here for the past eighty years- I think I know a thing or two about getting vermin out of my house.”

“Shrine Maiden?” Shan asked, rolling off of the unfortunate cat. “What does that… Aren’t you Gifted or something?”

Shrines, shrines… Old women, and cats, and-

It hit him, then. Ancient Protector of Cats, six letters. Bastet. There were places all over the world where cats were raised in large numbers like this, respected, revered. Shrines were built to them, people dedicated their lives to tending to them, it was believed that they possessed mystical powers-

“You’re not the Gifted one, are you?” he asked, feeling the pointed edge of his crossword puzzle through his jacket. “It’s your cats.”

Dis hoomanz not teh quickest wan, iz he?

I finkz he hit his head wen he fel down teh stairz.

Two different voices, this time. Not humans, he realized, feeling something furry rubbing against his leg.

“That’s right,” the old lady confirmed, much closer to him now. He felt bony hands grasping his wrists, holding something cold and hard against them. “My kittehs are very special. They protect me, I protect them, and from down here, it won’t be long before we get rid of our little invaders.” She sighed, shaking her head as something sliced through the ropes. “It’s really a shame, too. And here I thought they were such nice young kids.”

“They are,” Shan said, rubbing his freed wrists. “They’re being controlled, by one person. Don’t hurt them- they just need to be snapped out of it, I think.”

“Really? Hm, I thought it might be something like that. Some of my kittehs were in such a sad state… I suppose you know a way to make them behave?”

Shan thought about it for a moment. “…Null. She has to be somewhere in this house. Maybe they’ve got her imprisoned somewhere else. She can probably cancel this out if we can just get to her.”

“Ah, Null. I have an idea of where she might be.” The woman shifted, moving back. “Well, then, you best get moving! I’ll stay down here for now, but you should go wake up your friend. Sock can show you the way.”

“Who?”

Iz Socrates, thank yu very much!

“One of the best and brightest of my cats. You can trust him- he’ll protect you from whatever danger you run into. Just make sure you’re not seen!”

Shan mused for a moment over just how helpful a cat would be against Konki or Aden, then shrugged it off, getting to his feet. He had to hurry. “Alright then. Show me the way.”

~~~

Leon kept his back to Kate, staring tensely into the car as the order came. “Grab him and push him to his knees.”

He had figured as much. Drat it, Marq, I’ll get you for this.

“That won’t be necessary,” he said loudly, before the agents that had backed off could move close again.

“Oh, I think it will be,” Kate said, the slight tremor in her voice well-hid beneath taut authority. “Men-“

“It won’t be necessary, because you won’t really execute me, Kate.”

A pause, then her voice, more angry. “I most certainly will! You’re a traitor, Leon- you betrayed everyone when you left, including me! I wouldn’t hesitate to execute any other traitor, and I won’t hesitate to do it to you!”

“Yes, you would. You would hesitate to execute someone else- anyone, really, even if they weren’t me. You know how I know? Because I’ve watched you, Kate. I’ve fought alongside you. I know how you act, how you make your decisions. You’re an Agent, but you don’t like to kill- it’s not in your blood. You think too much, about how the other person feels, how they would feel as you did it. Even with Gifteds, you don’t really want them to suffer, do you? I know you don’t- every lecture you’ve ever given me about how I do my job tells me you don’t.”

He turned his neck as much as he possibly could, looking at her. “And on top of that, you won’t do it to me. Because you know me. Because we’re close. Because we’ve saved each other’s lives more times than either of us care to admit.”

Saved… No, no! She had never liked him, never wanted to be close to him, never-

His words cut through the thoughts Elora had suggested. “I know you’re angry at me because I left. But it’s not because I deserted the organization, is it?”

“Of course it is! You have no idea what you released when you left!”

“It’s not about that, and you know it.” His eyes narrowed. “It’s because I left… And I didn’t tell you. And I didn’t offer to let you come along.”

Her hand clenched around the pistol.

“And… There’s something else. Some other reason.” He scrutinized her, something odd about the way he was standing. “I haven’t quite figured it out yet. But you’re off, somehow. Something’s happened.”

“Off? I’m off? You’re the one who-!”

And then it hit Kate. He was looking at her, completely calm, despite being tied up and held at gunpoint, surrounded on all sides, in clear danger. She knew him too well- he should be furious right now, struggling wildly, yelling and threatening and not doing anything rationally. Why wasn’t he flying off the handle? It wasn’t like they’d put nullifying cuffs on-

Nullifying cuffs.

The backseat.

And the way he was standing, slightly hunched over, as though bending down to give access to something and hiding something behind him-

“Men, at alert!” she shouted, suddenly running towards him. “Leon, I swear, if you’re doing what I think you’re doing beh- nk!”

A tennis-shoed kick connected with her forehead. A fist followed it to her gut a second later, and she saw a flurry of feathers as Clara suddenly leaped out of the car, holding on to Leon for support, slicing the last of her ropes free on the jagged edge he had made in his metal cuffs. He held on to one end of her nullifying cuffs for dear life, spinning her around with one arm, catching Kate as she fell with the others, instantly in a defensive stance.

Kate felt herself go slack, the weapon falling from her hand, sputtering in pained indignation. “L…Leon you… treacherous…”

Leon scooped the weapon up, as Clara pressed her back against his, wings raised defensively. “For your sake,” she hissed, eyes trained on the Agents holding firearms on them from all sides, “You had better not be working for them, Psycho!”

“Not anymore,” Leon said, shooting her a look before pulling the limp female agent close to him and pressing the weapon to her temple. “Now,” he said, looking at the Agents all around, struggling to keep his anger under control. “If you don’t fancy losing your commanding officer, I think we’ll be leaving.”