Inner Thoughts

((I haven't been updating nearly as often as I've wanted to. School is stupid sometimes. I really want to update again soon, so we'll see how that goes. Stay tuned.))

Shan ducked into a small alcove, trying to steady his breathing after running up two flights of stairs, eyes darting around the dark, musty hallway. So far, no one seemed to have noticed that he’d broken loose. Or rather, that the cat had broken him loose. If he could just get out of here without that happening…

He looked down at his feet, where a small calico was washing its face, unconcerned and not even close to tired from the run. “Hey. You called yourself Sock?”

The cat raised its head, giving Shan a bemused look. Shrine Maiden gifs me name Sock. Called me Socrates, akshully, but no one eber says de full name.

The voice in Shan’s head was male. Shan frowned for a moment. Weren’t calicos always supposed to be female or something? Not important. “Look, I’m looking for a friend of mine. A nullifying Gifted. If we can get her help, then whatever Elora’s doing can’t affect us.” Of course, he wouldn’t be impervious anymore, either. He was still trying to figure out which one was worth more. “I didn’t see her with the others, so it’s possible she either escaped or is being held prisoner somewhere else.”

Flower hoomin is ebil. Affects other hoomins, somehow. Affects us kittehs, too- nearly killed some ov us. The calico got to his feet, stiff, tail swishing in anger. She’ll pay fer dat.

Shan began rummaging in his pockets, fingers moving over the pen, the crossword puzzle, the watch, some change from driving through the city not long ago. Elora really was a child, if she hadn’t even thought to have them search his pockets before tying him up. “If I give you something that belonged to Null-“ if he could even find something like that- “could you track her?”

Wat do I luk like to yu? Some stooped hound goggie?

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t have anything of hers anyways, it looks like.” Null didn’t seem to keep many possessions. Then again, none of them did. He took his hand away from the small knife Tau had given him, looking up the hallways towards the next flight of stairs. “…I don’t know how to find her, short of searching the entire house. At this rate, they’re going to find us again long before we ever get to her.”

Yu said nullifying hoomin?

Sock brushed up against Shan, and closed his eyes, small body stiffening, claws digging into the wood of the house. For a moment, the cat almost seemed to vibrate, standing there, before he finally moved again. …Dere is a hoomin, up in de sick room. It maks mah vission all fuzzeh, hard to see.

The sick room. Of course- Null had been there the last time Shan had seen her. Why hadn’t he thought of that before? “That sounds like her. Let’s go look.”

They ran for the stairs side by side.

~~~

Aden shivered, where he was huddled on the ground, reeling under the latest wave of unbearably intense emotion that had been forced through his system. This was exhausting him, was tangibly painful, being so acutely angry, so intensely happy, so sickeningly sad. Every emotional wave he had been forced into had been amplified, a hundred times what it should ever have naturally reached, making him feel sick to his stomach with the sudden changes.

Two hours of this, and he could feel himself getting exhausted, beginning to weaken. She was getting to him. He heard himself whimper, as though from far away, as she stepped over him, preparing to take out her frustration on him again. The noise drew her attention, and she looked down, smile curving wickedly on her overly beautiful face.

“Getting tired? Poor, poor Aden. This is so hard on you. So, so hard…”

Another wave, this one of crushing, agonizing depression, pressing him down, making it harder to breathe. He could feel himself, beginning to crumble, beginning to break.

Just like that time, when he had first been captured, and had felt himself crumbling, breaking, shattering, submitting…

No. He couldn’t do that, this time. Not like when he had been a little kid, terrified, alone in the Agency. He couldn’t crumble, couldn’t break.

“Wouldn’t it be easier, to just give in? Give in, let me have my way. I’ll make you happy. So, so happy.”

Not this time. This time, he had people he wanted to protect. All of these people, who had taken him in and accepted him. But mostly, above all of them, his ally, his… f-friend, his…

The loneliness, and…

His friend, his… To..

Crushing despair. Hard to think.

To… ri…

Had to… give in, and… no… couldn’t…

Nngh.

~~~

Sensei. I know you can’t see or hear me. You’re not here anymore. I’ve accepted that, by now.

Tori kept her breathing even, her mind clear, taking in the scent of the cool, dark, still chamber. Her eyes closed, her body relaxed. Her spirit at peace, calm, in control.

Even if you’re gone, though, I still remember everything you taught me. If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t be alive anymore. Everything that I am, it’s thanks to you.

…I should have been there, to help and protect you in return. Looking back, it was probably my fault. But-

Her mind was clouding. She had to keep herself calm, level. She pushed the feelings away, focusing, trying to contain this… thing, inside of her, that she still didn’t completely understand. The weight of the chains around her wrists and ankles was a familiar pressure, grounding her, helping her think.

At any rate. You taught me not to give up. To focus, and master myself. All of my life, I’ve been trying to master myself, gain control of my powers. …This time is no different. I just have to figure this out, to focus and train until I can control it.

I…I won’t hurt my friends again.

Her mind was clouding again. So hard to concentrate. But she had to, even so.

All of her life, she had focused on mastering her body, and her mind. She thought she had done pretty well, up until now. But now, thinking back on some of the things those Agents had said, in Munia, in Buma…

This thing infesting her wasn’t in her mind. Connected to it, but not actually within it. It wasn’t so much in her body, either. It was deeper than that, she was beginning to realize. In her spirit, in her soul. She wondered, as she struggled there in the darkness, whether it was even possible to focus and gain control of one’s soul.

Or if, knowing the views of the Agents, she even had one.

~~~

Null stirred, hovering just below the surface of waking up, unable to quite break through the thin ice. So close… But something was holding her back, below the surface, chaining her below so that she couldn’t quite reach to break the ice. She… She had to. There was… something important… up…

Agh. She couldn’t remember, why it was so important that she had to wake up. She just… kept sleeping… and…

For the thousandth time since being put to sleep, she fell down again, losing track of the nagging feelings that she was supposed to be doing something. She drifted into dreams, unconcerned, lost in a whirl of disconnected memories and half-remembered thoughts.

Somewhere in her drugged dreams, she saw Leon, not as an angry, confused adult, but younger, softer, more innocent and naïve. She reached out to him, but her hands were chained, heavy, unable to move. She watched him, from a distance, feeling lost as the young boy absently kicked a soccer ball around. Somehow, she knew that he was looking for her as well. But he couldn’t see her, wouldn’t even look in her direction.

Outside of the dream, the thin woman lying on the bed numbly clutched at something in her pocket, not waking from her sleep.

From the other side of the room, a silver tabby watched her, quietly waiting.

~~~

…so…so tired. Aden couldn’t think, couldn’t feel, couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want to open his eyes. Not again. He felt sick, and tired, and unsure of his feelings, and just…

…just…

He shuddered weakly, not daring to make a noise where he huddled, bound tightly, waiting for it to end. Somewhere, Elora was saying something, talking to someone, giving orders to go check on Shan and some crazy old hag, to see if they were ready to listen to reason…

He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping for a few moments of rest. He couldn’t bring himself to care as much as he should have. If everything could… could just be quiet for a moment…

The sudden, shrill yell jolted him back. “What do you mean something broke the lock?! Cats don’t just… Rrrgh! Find them!”

~~~

“We’ll talk over our differences later,” Clara hissed. “For now, let’s get out of here.”

“Agreed.”

Clara kept herself pressed close against him, protecting his back. Leon’s nerves were frayed, but he couldn’t help flashing the agents a triumphant smirk. He had his hostage securely in his arms, a weapon, a helping Gifted, and a nullifying cuff around his wrist like a bracelet, keeping him sane.

With any luck, they just might get through this alive.

The agents were staying still, watching him from behind dark glasses. He gripped Kate tighter, dragging her gently backwards, ignoring the murderous, unforgiving glares she was giving him around the handgun pointed at the side of her head. Step by step, getting further away, until they were far enough away to turn and make a break for it…

One of the agents lowered the watch from his ear, frowning, and whispered something to another agent. Uh-oh, that was a bad sign. They had communicated something with someone else, probably a higher-up, or a dispatcher at a nearby HQ. Leon frowned, picking up the pace a little. What had they been ordered to do? Were they-

The second agent suddenly, unceremoniously lifted his weapon, aiming it. Leon had only a moment to think, to remember with a start that, after all, Kate was only a commander. Maybe she was a regrettable loss, but commanders could be replaced. And, with the Agent way of thinking, acceptable losses were-

He re-thought his strategy too late, gripped her shoulders in preparation to pull her away, too late. His eyes widened as the weapon fired.